U/B 2: Six personal agreements to change my mind
What does it mean to "lead yourself"?
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Hi!
I was thinking… Sometimes I use the phrase “lead yourself”. What does that mean?
In a nutshell: Leading yourself = Be the change you want to see.
Today’s letter explains a little about how I lead myself.
The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
- Albert Einstein
The change I want to see
I want to change minds. Ok… but what about minds need to change?
I’ve seen many talented, compassionate people held back by fears – real and imagined.
They’re stuck in a cycle. They try to do everything or keep everyone happy. But they are not happy.
They think they are right (they may even have data to back up their beliefs). So they don’t change. They complain that nothing changes.
And by they, I mean me (and maybe you?).
It doesn’t have to be that way.
The change I must be
How do I change my own mind? By making personal commitments — agreements with myself — that I will be intentional with my thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
I commit to:
Living intentionally
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.
- Viktor Frankl
I commit to living intentionally, not drifting. I commit to pausing and considering my personal agreements before responding.
Taking radical responsibility
Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don't have to like it... it's just easier if you do.
- Byron Katie
I commit to taking full responsibility for the circumstances of my life.1 I will own my actions and inaction without judgment. I commit to not blaming myself or others. I will accept the world as it is, not how I wish it were.2
Learning through curiosity
Being “right” doesn’t cause drama, but wanting and fighting to be “right” does.
- Jim Dethmer
I commit to regarding every interaction as an opportunity to learn. I commit to rejecting my desire to be right.3
Deciding with courage
Do one thing every day that scares you.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I commit to making decisions out of courage, not fear or comfort. I commit to doing one thing every day that scares me.
Believing in possibility
Every problem, every dilemma, every dead end we find ourselves facing in life, only appears unsolvable inside a particular frame or point of view.
- Rosamund Stone Zander
I commit to believing in possibilities beyond my limited perspective. I will believe in impossible and invisible things. I commit to viewing my beliefs (stories and interpretations of facts) as one of many possibilities.
Not interfering
When no requests are being made, it does not do to meddle in things.
- The philosopher from The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
I commit to not giving advice or telling people what to do unless they ask (or they are children living in my house). I commit to not giving my opinion or otherwise getting in people’s business.4
*One notable exception to the “don’t tell people what to do” rule is the subtitle for Useful / Beautiful and the impetus for today’s letter: Lead yourself, first.
Words that make me pause
The deal with living life intentionally is that I need to recognize when I’m drifting. One simple way is to listen to the words coming out of my mouth.
Should / shouldn’t
Good / Bad
Right / Wrong
Can’t
I know
Just
Try
When I hear myself say one of these words, I pause. I think about what stories I might be telling myself, if I’m breaking any of my agreements.
It’s helpful. I’d tell you to try it but that would be advice. *wink*
More to come
Thank you for reading. I’ll continue to share what each of these commitments looks like in practice.
Sending courage and possibility your way.
Love,
Kate
p.s. You might notice these commitments in my earlier writing. They have been on my mind for a while, I’ve just not declared them before today. Yay for declarations! Makes it real, you know?
Responsibility is the 1st commitment in The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmar, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp. https://conscious.is/15-commitments
Byron Katie’s book Loving What is has been a life changer. https://thework.com/loving-what-is-revised-edition/
Curiosity is the 2nd commitment in The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmar, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp. https://conscious.is/15-commitments
See the “Separation of tasks” chapter in The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1501197274