U/B 13: Your best self is growing
Constant awareness is impossible. We think both fast and slow.
Here’s your weekly reminder to discard unhelpful beliefs.
Hi!
How’s it going? As in, how’s it going with unlearning and discarding unhelpful beliefs? Listening to the universe? Deliberately looking for things you want? Choosing what serves you? Living intentionally, etc?
Well… when I write it all down like that, it seems like a lot.
Because it is. Lots of lots.
This stuff — this path of choosing instead of reacting — takes effort. I don’t mean that like you gotta work hard. I mean you can’t work hard all the time.
Do you know the book Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman1? The premise is that we have 2 types of thought processes.
Fast thinking is instinctive, emotional, and unconscious. It helps us survive. If we didn’t have this ability, we’d go absolutely insane at the complexity of the world. We’d be frozen, unable to act.
Slow thinking is deliberative, rational, and conscious. It’s when we’re aware of what we’re thinking about. There’s a limit to that focus.
It’s possible to move concepts from slow to fast thinking. Repetition, strong experiences2. It’s how we build expertise. We practice, return to it.
You can’t be logical and intentional all the time. With practice, the behaviors you nurture can become more innate, can move from slow to fast thinking, from deliberate to inherent.
Don’t try to hold onto it. Return to it.
The best version of yourself
There is too much to hold onto. It’s impossible to be the best version of yourself all the time.
UNLESS…
Unless it is possible. Unless the best version of yourself is exactly what you happen to be in the moment. Because that’s what real. To wish otherwise is to “should” on yourself.
I think there is no one best version. There may be versions that better serve you, but those shallow, weak, and shitty versions are also you.
It’s cool, though. Those versions of you could serve you. They could help you grow, become the next best version of you.
You can’t skip the bad parts. The way out is through.
The best version of myself
I got a note from a reader last week saying that I was a “SHEER DELIGHT!!!” (in hot pink all caps!) and “what earthlings should be”. Which made my day.
(Thank you. You know who you are.)
A better, more enlightened version of me wouldn’t crave this sort of praise. I don’t need other people to like me. Except I do. I’m human, and humans need acceptance and belonging.
I showed the note to a friend and joked “Maybe they say that to everyone.”
To which she replied, “Nah. But, come to think of it… Wouldn’t that be amazing?”
Could you brighten someone’s day with a compliment today?
My best self is my growing self
Whelp, now I’m feeling the pressure (self-imposed!) to be an ideal earthling.
It’s funny (telling?) that that note came from a stranger who’s read some of my writing (which is born from slow, deliberate thinking), not friends or family members or people who know more versions of me.
I’m not sure if “Whole Kate” is an ideal earthling. I have moments of pettiness, anger, frustration, arrogance, vanity, etc. I battle depression, anxiety, addiction, fear, imposter syndrome. But again, maybe those parts are also my best self. If I didn’t have them, I may not be growing.
What do you think?
Thank you for choosing to read my words. Your attention is a generous gift.
Love,
Kate
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p.p.s. Thanks to
for the memes.p.p.p.s. If you’d like help with your personal transformation, send me a note. I’m a leadership coach and advisor who helps compassionate humans around the globe.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow
This a double edged sword. We don’t question the accuracy of fast thinking. But fast thinking is biased and can be wrong. It says “I’ve seen this before and declare it to be X.”
Lovely post. Yes, growing is our raison d'être. As you note, Kate, we can grow via many paths. I have found developing a psychoanalytic lens most helpful. It allows me to nourish my 6 month old self, my 6 year old self, my 16 year old self…well you get the idea. Freud’s depth psychology updated with new perspectives works. Check it out. Indeed, growing is our raison d'être. As you note, Kate, we can grow in many ways.