This is the first official letter from Useful / Beautiful. Thank you for being here!
Hi! Oh my God. I just had a bizarre and beautiful experience. May I tell you?
I was doing this thing where I act as if — which is an excellent way to get unstuck, btw. For example, say one of your colleagues doesn’t like you. Your belief (that they don’t like you) isn’t helping your situation. It’s neither useful nor beautiful. So instead, you show up as if. You show up believing This person loves working with me. They are so grateful I am here. See how differently you behave. I bet you’ll be more open and generous.
Anyway… My as if moment began with this draft in my journal:
I have lived with logic and reason and am ready to stretch beyond. This is new, and I am winging it. wheeee!
I want to learn, do it myself, not follow some proven playbook that worked for other people who aren’t me. I want to do the work, stumble. And do it in public. For myself, but also for you. So you might feel better about your own stumbling. Continue to stretch yourself.
…
I tend to write what I know. That’s conventional writing advice. I want to stretch myself by writing about what I don’t know. What kind of unstable mind does that? You can’t run a leadership development newsletter and not write about your expertise.
But alas… this is part of my weirdo expertise, isn’t it? I know that the breeding grounds for creativity are at the edges of what is known. Creative things are inherently new. They cannot be what you already know.
…
There is no getting it right or doing it wrong. (Unless it’s really not aligned to my values). There is only doing.
But then the fear comes back. I want to do it right. It’s got to be useful or beautiful, right? It’s in the name! If I get it wrong, then it won’t be valuable to you. And then you might leave me. Then what? What would I do? I’d keep moving forward. That’s the only thing to do. It still scares me.
…
Is all this overthinking useful? It’s taking me out of the present.
…
I’m warring with the desire for change and improvement while also accepting what is. Can both be true? Is it possible to act as if I already have everything I need, while also aiming to get there? That’s the crux.
Imagine that I have 1000 true fans1. How do I feel?
Believing as if
I already have 1000 paid subscribers. I see it. I step into it.
How do I feel?
(Not how I might I feel if I had, but how I do I feel knowing that I do have.)
How do I feel, knowing that 1000 people want my work so much they eagerly pay for it?
1000 paid subscribers pay me and my bank account is full. The mail is sorted, my bills are paid and filed. The credit and loan accounts we racked up after my layoff are back to zero. I can pay my coach again. I finally tell my daughter yes, she can get a new carpet for her room. She is jumping up and down, excited. I am laughing, joyful. I am relaxed. I am generous.
1000 paid subscribers find my work incredibly timely, helpful, and valuable! They look forward to my new work and share it with people they love. I’m making the difference I’ve been wanting so badly to make: To help people lead themselves first so they’ll be better leaders, citizens, and parents and inspire even more people. I am beyond fulfilled. I am glowing.
I am still scribbling with a pencil but I can’t see. My mouth tickles and I can feel that upside-down-U frown my husband says I make when I get emotional. Tears drip onto the paper.
A realization
In that moment, I realize that I have to believe in another invisible thing. I have to believe that my words are highly valuable to those 1000 people, if not more. They just don’t know it yet.
Every day they wish — consciously or subconsciously — for help. If only I had something — what though? — to help me learn to grow, to accept and lead myself in a way that didn’t make me feel so inadequate and flawed. To help me return when I drift.
People out there want my help. They imagine how much better they feel when they have it.
By wishing, they are calling it into being.
What if that were true?
Holy shit.
Did a bunch of people actually manifest me?
You can be weird but not too weird
Now’s the part where I bring it back to Earth. I can’t exactly going around telling people that I’m seeking the 1000 people who manifested me or they’ll think I’m crazytown2. In my experience, most people aren’t nearly as open and curious as they say they are.
I suddenly have empathy for Luna Lovegood3.
It means the world to me that you read my work. Could you be one of my 1000 true fans? Please upgrade to a paid subscription. Help me find the others.
Thank you for being here.
Love,
Kate
CTA BUTTON PARTY TIME
Could you help turn 1000 wonderful, curious people into paid subscribers?
https://kk.org/thetechnium/1000-true-fans/
This is a nod to Steve Chandler and his book Creator where we writes: But here’s the problem with talking or writing about this kind of spiritual awakening or neurological insight: people will think you are crazy town.
A quirky but clear-sighted character in the Harry Potter book series by JK Rowling.