U/B 17: The secret to having it all go your way

Disillusioned? It's all an illusion.

Here’s your weekly reminder to choose what serves you. What might be useful and beautiful for you today?

Hi!

Do I have your permission to share advice? You might find it useful.

Earlier today, I had call with someone contemplating their next job, wanting a better fit. We chatted about meaningful work, “not only doing things for the sake of capitalism,” and the rampant BS (bull doody) that occurs when there are more than a handful of humans in the room.

I was of two minds:

• Don’t limit yourself to what you think is possible.

• Maybe you ask too much from external sources.

I sent a follow-up email that feels broadly applicable to unsatisfied folks so am sharing part of it with you.

Dear disillusioned,

Do you want to know my thoughts? If so, read on.

You mentioned having a low tolerance for BS. You get disillusioned easily. This sounds like wanting reality to be something other than it is.

You have values and standards that vary from other people, perhaps the people "in charge". That leads to shoulds.

There shouldn't be this much BS. They shouldn't be doing [X]. It's not efficient.

(or compassionate, profitable, honest, smart, fill-in-your-value-adjective).

The more often you find yourself in situations wanting reality to be other than it is, the more unsatisfied and disillusioned you'll be.

I wonder if you might try shifting your perspective to look for the gift in a frustrating situation? Maybe some of these things are happening so that you face aspects of yourself that you'd rather not but would be so much happier (less disillusioned) if you did.

Have you ever heard the Marcus Aurelius quote: "What's in the way, becomes the way"?

—

I had some external things happen (layoff, cancer) that could have made me miserable. Instead, I chose openness, learning. I actively worked on rejecting my need to be right. My beliefs about the way the world works, or how capitalism sucks, or how it's only possible to make money by doing [X].

A trick: It won't all go "my way" until I reduce the amount of things that I need to go a certain way.

All of the sudden, everything’s going my way

(because all I really want is to be alive and with my family).

Not every day is sunshine and roses, but it's a hell of a lot better than before.

This is not a new concept. I just hadn’t thought of it quite like that before.

The secret to having it all go my way, is to reduce the amount of things that I need to go my way.

The fewer needs I have, the easier it is to get them all.

Easier said than done, eh?

I wrote that in first person (I and my, not you and your) because I cannot in good faith tell anyone to believe this. If someone is really struggling, this reeks of toxic positivity. Well, all you have to do is want less. So simple!

I’m sharing in case it sparks something in you. Perhaps you’ll find it useful. Or beautiful.

You get to choose what feels right for you. How might you choose?

Thank you for reading my words. Your attention is a gift.

Love,

Kate

Like this letter? Will you help others get value from it, too? Please tap the heart, forward it, share on your socials. Thank you.

If you’re disillusioned with work/life and ready to create the change within yourself, reply this email or send me a DM. I coach dissatisfied overthinkers.

Thank you to

Dave Gray

and

The Starfire Codes

for sharing my long-ass letter with your folks last week.