A colleague recently told me that I was refreshing as hell. While it’s not always true, it’s a catchy reminder for how I want to show up (ignoring the fact that hell is not actually refreshing). I stuck a Post-it to my monitor then I started this post.
I set out to write a lighthearted “5 steps to be refreshing as hell” but it got deep and abstract fast. Being refreshing as hell is not a one-time thing. There’s no checklist. Even if there was, tactics wouldn’t work without telling my ego to take a hike and centering my intention on serving others.
That’s the secret: My intention must be to help others.
A few years ago I realized that how I spend my days is how I spend my life and I’d rather it be helping others than protecting myself from imaginary harm. I have a deep desire to be smart, to know things. A good deal of my life has been spent collecting knowledge, trying to be smart. Eventually, I had enough “what is it all for?” moments that I realized my purpose was not to have knowledge but to use knowledge to make things better.
I don’t want to live a passive life, letting life happen to me. I want to choose a lens of possibility. “Be the change you want to see in the world” may be cliche (and not refreshing as hell), but it is useful. It starts here, inside me.
How to be refreshing as hell, a checklist
Ok. I said there wasn’t a checklist. Then I remembered that people like actionable things and saying “center your intentions on serving people” is pretty abstract. Here are some semi-actionable things I do before, during, and after meetings and other times I’d like to show up refreshing as hell.
Questions I ask myself:
Am I fully present? ← If I do nothing else, I do this. Honor their time.
How might I help others today?
What would I do if I weren’t afraid? If I weren’t frustrated?
What might others be feeling or thinking?
How might they know that I support them?
Will this situation matter in 10 minutes? 10 weeks? 10 months? 10 years?
What about this situation is true?
What about this situation is useful?
Is my curiosity still useful or is it time to move forward?
Reminders to myself:
Be a friend, not a stranger.
Choose to like everyone. ← This one is hard but so valuable.
Say their name.
Listen.
Breathe.
Be curious.
Separate facts from stories.
Balance today’s urgency with the big picture.
Be courageous. Do something that scares me.
Speak up where others hesitate.
Be vulnerable.
Be humble.
Don’t take myself so seriously.
Don’t take things personally.
Don’t judge. Don’t label a situation, idea, or person as good or bad.
Don’t make assumptions.
Don’t be seduced by cynicism.
Be positive.
Ask “How might we…?”
Be realistic.
Ask “What could we commit to?”
Have agreements not expectations. ← This is fascinating. I just learned it and will write more someday.
Do I always get these right? No. That’s why I made the list. I want to be intentional, deliberate about my growth and improvement.
If you’re offended by the “as hell” part, find something that works better for you. “Refreshing as hell” makes me smile, which is always a good first step.
If you found this useful or insightful, please share it. Thanks for reading.